is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
