hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
