there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
