Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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