I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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