I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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