when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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