Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
