11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
