And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
