Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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