i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She bit a glass in half.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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