I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
