Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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