I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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