is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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