dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
