These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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