By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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