Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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