everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
