When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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