I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize