I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
