I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
