Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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