Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
