Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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