it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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