i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
