Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
