My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
