The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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