I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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