I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
