I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
