just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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