Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
where am i from again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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