i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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