Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love having hate sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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