i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
