he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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