Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
