will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
