the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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