Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
