dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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