eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
