so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
