There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
