I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize