What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
