i think my tv is drunk
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
