So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
