i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
