Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
