I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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