In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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