'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize