dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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