Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize