I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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