Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
