She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
