There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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