I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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