george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize