i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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