If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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