The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They took my balls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
