apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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