Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
