and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
