Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
