I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
