I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
