SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
