Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
