You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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