Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have fence marks all over my body
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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