for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
