Michael Bay diarrhea
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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