The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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