I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
