Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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