but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
