I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
