Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize