its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Too much gin, very little bucket
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
