I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize